for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
