On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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