pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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