if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
