sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
