Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
