I just made out with a guy for $7.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I queefed so loud it echoed.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
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