I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
