There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
