I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
