Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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