remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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