I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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