I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
