It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
