I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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