the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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