i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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