remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cockslap morals
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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