I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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