"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
