i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
