I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my being single is dangerous.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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