I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
