Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
