now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The Olympian is in my bed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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