ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
