i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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