you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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