I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
