carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
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