I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
