yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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