Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I have tasted many bathrooms
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
