that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Every concussion has its silver lining
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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