I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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