As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
