We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
