I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
