I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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