Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
