i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize