I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
