there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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