in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
