In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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