he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
