Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
