do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
