shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
