is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
