his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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