also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
