So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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