rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
