Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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