I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
