just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize