She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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