shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
