Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
