reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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