Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
