My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
