this beer tastes like vomit already
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
