I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize