he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
