Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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