Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm having to shit out rocks
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